Unconditional Parenting
by Alfie Kohn
Kohn's argument against both punishment and reward: both are conditional, both teach children that love depends on behavior, and the research links them to worse outcomes. He proposes working with children rather than doing things to them. It is provocative, better at critique than at prescription, and it changes how parents hear their own praise.
Read it if…
you suspect that rewards and consequences are damaging your relationship with your child.
Skip it if…
you want a practical discipline method; Kohn offers principles.
Three things you will actually use
- Rewards are punishments in disguise.
- Children need unconditional regard to thrive.
- Ask what the child needs, not how to make them comply.
Do this first
Replace 'good job' with a description of what the child did, for a day.
Our verdict
Provocative and worth wrestling with.
Compare with other Parenting books
The Danish Way of Parenting
Jessica Joelle Alexander and Iben Dissing Sandahl · Parenting
Short, pleasant, useful.
CLICK TO SEEBrowse all Parenting book reviews or get the free Reality Code Cheat Sheet.
As an Amazon Associate, WisdomDeck earns from qualifying purchases. Links marked “Click to see” go to Amazon. We are not paid for opinions, prices and availability are not shown here and change on Amazon, and we never see your purchase details. Nothing here is medical, legal or financial advice.