Us
by Terrence Real
Real's relational therapy: the shift from 'you and me' to 'us', the adaptive child versus the wise adult in conflict, and how to repair rather than win. It draws on his own marriage and his clinical work, and it is direct about the ways men especially sabotage intimacy. Insightful and sometimes blunt.
Read it if…
your fights follow the same script and you want to understand the script.
Skip it if…
you want gentle; Real is direct.
Three things you will actually use
- There is no winning in a relationship; only us.
- Notice the child state and pause.
- Repair quickly and specifically.
Do this first
In the next argument, name which part of you is speaking, the adaptive child or the wise adult, before replying.
Our verdict
Insightful and direct; relational therapy in a book.
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