Why Marriages Succeed or Fail
by John Gottman with Nan Silver
Gottman's first popular book, presenting the lab findings: three stable marriage types, the Four Horsemen (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling), the five-to-one ratio, and flooding. It is dated in places and superseded by Seven Principles, but the diagnostic quizzes are useful and the core findings have held.
Read it if…
you want to diagnose your conflict pattern with the original quizzes.
Skip it if…
you have read Seven Principles; it is the earlier version.
Three things you will actually use
- Contempt is the strongest predictor of divorce; eliminate it.
- Five positive interactions for every negative.
- When flooded, take a break of at least twenty minutes.
Do this first
Take the Four Horsemen quiz honestly, and notice which one is yours.
Our verdict
Early version; still diagnostic.
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