The Dance of Intimacy
by Harriet Lerner
Lerner on being close without losing yourself: how distance, fusion, triangles and cut-offs operate in couples and families, and how to stay connected while staying separate. It draws on Bowen family-systems theory and her clinical work, and it is especially good on relationships with parents and siblings.
Read it if…
you lose yourself in relationships or protect yourself by distance.
Skip it if…
you want romance advice; it is about all close relationships.
Three things you will actually use
- Intimacy requires a self to bring.
- Triangles diffuse tension and prevent resolution.
- Reconnect with cut-off family; it changes everything else.
Do this first
Have one calm, honest conversation with a family member about something you usually avoid.
Our verdict
Deep and practical.
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