Why Won't You Apologize?
by Harriet Lerner
Lerner on apology: what makes one real (no 'but,' no excess, no demand for forgiveness), why people cannot give them (shame, not lack of care), how to receive one, and whether forgiveness is required for healing (it is not). It is short, humane and immediately applicable.
Read it if…
you owe an apology you cannot quite make or have never received one you needed.
Skip it if…
you want the broader family-systems work; see her other books.
Three things you will actually use
- Keep it short; the 'but' cancels it.
- Shame blocks apology; address it in yourself.
- You can heal without forgiving.
Do this first
Make one apology this week with no 'but' and no request for anything in return.
Our verdict
Short and wise.
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