The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver
Gottman's decades of observing couples in his lab distilled into seven principles: love maps, fondness and admiration, turning toward, letting your partner influence you, solving solvable problems, overcoming gridlock, and shared meaning. It is research-based, full of exercises, and the single most useful marriage book available.
Read it if…
you want to improve a decent marriage or rescue a struggling one with methods that were tested.
Skip it if…
you want a quick fix; the exercises take time and both partners.
Three things you will actually use
- Turn toward small bids for attention; they predict everything.
- Soften the start-up of complaints.
- Accept influence; stubbornness predicts divorce.
Do this first
Do the love-map questionnaire together tonight; notice what you no longer know about each other.
Our verdict
Rigorous and warm; the marriage book.
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